I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
