if only i could text you this smell
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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