Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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