I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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