even my farts smell like vagina
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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