just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
