i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I should be sponsored by Trojan
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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