The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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