I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Randomize
