i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
