It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
