a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
