Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
