i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
