Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
