perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
