I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
