He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
