i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hippo gnu deer
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
