hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize