Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
