$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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