if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
