Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
