yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
