i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
