I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
