it wasn't lemon gatorade
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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