I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
