Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
