the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
