I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
