I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
