New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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