my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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