So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize