Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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