Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
