the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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