Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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