I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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