Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
