One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
