I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
