This dress was meant to end up on your floor
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When did angry sex become our thing?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
