I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
