I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
