why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
