I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
