You don't have asthma, your pregnant
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
