I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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