I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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