You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
