I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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