If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
