hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
