Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize