I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
