I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
