Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
