Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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