it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
