Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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