I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
