weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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