I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Randomize
