I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
