Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
