you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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