What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
