Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
