Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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