Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
