I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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