He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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