Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
