Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
