yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
