I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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