I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
