Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
