Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
two words: eviction party
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
