Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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