So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
