smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
