I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
