feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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