Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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