She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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