At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
