nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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